One of the Hardest & Most Fulfilling Things – Letting Go
I hold on for all anything is worth. To me, to surrender means to lose. The weight of the world seems to be on my shoulders and I didn’t know how to change that. What’s worse, I often enjoy it. Things are just better when I am in control.
Does anyone else feel the same?
Having control brings me peace. Here’s the thing – if everyone would agree to listen to me and do things my way (aka the right way) then things would be perfect. All would be well.
Except for the constant stress. Because people are people. And they have their own opinions on the best way to do things. Before I know it, I’m often drowning in a sea of anxiousness due to lack of control…and pride.
Worrying about things I couldn’t have control over if I tried. Being anxious about given a conversation I had recently. Taking charge in social and work situations – attempting (sometimes forcibly) to keep everyone organized….it’s exhausting.
But then they don’t do things my way. And as a result, my time is spent attempting to control the uncontrollable.
Even if everyone listened to me, why do I keep asking for that job? That, in itself, is stressful enough. The even crazier thing is, although I know it’s an impossible task, I STILL worry about things I cannot control and try to manipulate situations in my life.
Often, in my case, I desire to be in control to help other people (not always, but mostly). But the result is the same.
Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I punish myself with anxiety and stress over things that either don’t matter, or I have no way of controlling?
Because surrender is hard.
Giving up control and just letting go is difficult. It seems unthinkable.
But if I try to fight every battle, I’ll lose most of them. And sadly, I will more than likely lose some that I needed to win.
Obviously there will be times when one needs to “take charge” or take action to step up in a leadership position – but those cases don’t apply to the situations I’m referring to. I’m talking about the little things that don’t matter, and the big things that DO matter, but I have no control over. In the little things, it’s asking “is this REALLY worth it? Do I really need to ‘win’ here?” And in the big things it’s remembering that the One who holds my life in His hands has everything under control <3
I’m in no way saying I’m perfect, but I have found so much peace in knowing that my God is the captain of my life. When there’s something serious going on, He’s got everything figured out. And when it’s not serious, taking control isn’t worth it.
And whether I’m trying to take control in order to help others or not, it all boils down to one thing:
Pride.
It’s pride that makes me want to take control and orchestrate everything. Pride tells me I’m the best candidate for organizing and handling situations and people. How can I think I’m better at assisting other people than God is?! I shake my head when I think about it… yet I still fight this battle daily.
I remember a time when I needed to let something go. I had a situation with someone I knew pretty well, and I really wanted to take control. I wanted to make things better for this person and help them to the best of my ability. But I really felt like God was asking me to let it go and leave this person in His hands….as His hands are far more capable than mine. So as painful and difficult as it was, I released everything with that situation to God. Here’s the thing – I didn’t immediately feel at peace…but with time, I realized how much trust this act of letting go had given me, and it opened my eyes all the more to how powerful and amazing God is at handling everything.
I’m continuing to learn that God handles things so much better than me…why would I ever try and take anything away from Him?
So now I take it as a challenge. Which hills are worth dying on, and which are better left alone? I have found that most of the time, it’s best if I “lose” the battle so I can win the war. Winning to me means exhibiting humility by serving other people and letting them have control most of the time. No one likes being around someone who constantly tries to micromanage them anyway. The feeling of peace and joy that I get when I stop worrying about the outcome of non-important things is amazing. And the wave of peace I receive from God when I release ALL things (big and small) to Him is indescribable.
I share my personal growth journal on this topic in this post to encourage you…I’m in no way saying I’m better than anyone else. It’s my hope that many others will be able to read this and take up the challenge with me if they feel called to.
With that in mind, if you’re up for it, I challenge you to ask a simple question:
What can I let go of today?
It could be something as small as letting someone else run game day because it brings them joy. Or it could be something big like a job search – putting forth your best effort and leaving all the outcome in God’s hands with a peaceful and trusting attitude.
Letting go.
It’s the simplest, yet one of the hardest, things you’ll ever do.
Until next time,
Hope Frances
