Saying “No”

Sometimes, you just have to say “no.”

This has been something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I like to say “yes.” I like being relied upon. I enjoy the feeling of juggling 20 things at once and getting them all done successfully.

I find pride in it. 

And that’s not always a bad thing. It’s good to be a person who can be relied upon to get stuff done. It has served me well in my career and my personal relationships.

But when I find my identity and worth in doing everything on my own and checking all the boxes… that’s when things get messy.

It really comes down to why I’m doing it all. Am I living to gain the approval of others, or am I living to gain approval from God? Which is more important to me? Although I’ve never said it outright, my actions would say I’m living for the approval of others more often than I’d like to admit.

Here’s another problem – I CAN’T do everything. I tried. Turns out I only have 24 hours a day…just like everyone else. Physically and mentally, I simply cannot handle every single thing that’s asked of me. When I say “yes” to everything, I end up extremely stressed out and frustrated – and things start to fall apart. Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I can either do a lot of things pretty poorly, or a moderate, smaller, amount of things super well. Quality almost always beats out quantity at that point.

During prayer time one morning, I felt God tell me to say “no” to more things. And I struggled (still struggle) with that. Saying “no” makes me feel bad. I imagine I’m letting people down and that is really hard for me. 

However, I’ve realized that people would probably rather I tell them “no,” leaving them to find someone else, than hear me say “yes” only to have me put in bare minimum effort due to my being too spread thin.

This goes for work, but it also goes to everything else in my life. All the extracurricular activities I sign up for, my obsessiveness in wishing our house always looked nice, etc.

I’m still not great at it, but I’m learning. Every opportunity that comes my way needs to be weighed carefully and prayerfully decided upon. Because more often than not, the answer will likely be “yes.” I just need to make sure I’m saying “no” when I really need to. 

It’s okay to stay home and chill sometimes – I won’t die lol. And my soul needs that time too. Time spent with God, and time spent just enjoying what He gave me – so that my soul can be filled up and I can pour out into others. 

I’m not trying to say I’m training myself to be lazy or take more “self care” days. I’m just saying there’s a balance. And I’m usually off balance, leaning heavily towards doing way too much. Swinging too far in the other direction is also unhealthy, but that’s another post for another time.

And sometimes, I don’t even necessarily need to say “no,” but rather, “yes, but I will need help” or “can you help me?” Yet another battle I need to fight with pride.

I guess it really isn’t a matter of saying no – it’s admitting to myself and others that I am incapable of being and doing all things for all people… because only One can do that for any of us, and it isn’t me.

Main point for today: 

You should be giving as much as you can, but you can’t give when you don’t have anything to give.

Make time to be filled so you can fill other people up too, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I promise we won’t die 😉

 

Until Next Time,
Hope Anderson