Laundry Room Lessons
Today was laundry day for me; so I loaded up my basket, grabbed my computer to get some work done, and headed out the door. Where I live, the laundry is in a community center, so there are a lot of washers and dryers all in one place.
All was going as normal – I stuck my clothes in an empty washer and sat down to work. A lady I recognized from weeks prior came in a few seconds later with her young son and upon seeing a pile of clothes on the table, quickly asked me:
“Do you know who put my clothes there?!”
I shook my head and told her no.
There was another guy in the laundry room at that moment, who heroically spoke up and informed the lady that he had been the one to put her clothes on the table.
Needless to say, the lady was not pleased. The conversation went as follows:
Lady: Why did you put my clothes there!?
Guy: Well, yours were done, so I took them out and put mine in (in a very matter of fact way, like, “well duh!”).
Lady: But these are my clothes! I set a timer! I was going to be back. They couldn’t have been done for more than 2 minutes. Are you kidding me?
Guy: Hey! This is the best dryer in the whole room. You know that! So when people’s clothes are done, I always take them out and put mine in. I even wiped down the table for you! I’ll show you the rag I wiped it down with!
Lady: I set a timer! I waited 20 minutes for the person before me to take their clothes out of the dryer. I DID NOT touch the other person’s clothes!
Guy: Why are you so mad? Seriously? I can’t believe this. Look, if I had thrown your stuff on the ground, I would agree with you, but I put them on the table! How was I supposed to know you’d be back in 2 minutes? For all I knew, it could have been 2 hours!
On and on, for about 2 or 3 minutes.
Finally, the guy left, and the lady packed up her stuff, apologized to me for arguing in front of me, and left as well.
I got the benefit of being the listening ear to this argument, so I got to see both sides of the story. To me, it looked like they were both so convinced that their words were justified that they couldn’t see anything from the other’s perspective. They were trying to communicate, but ended up saying the same thing over and over again and not understanding each other.
From the lady’s perspective, she was a victim. She had a personal policy: don’t take other peoples’ clothes out of the dryer because they belong to someone else and are not your property and you have no right to do so. The guy broke her policy and took her clothes out of the dryer without her permission, and he didn’t even care. She didn’t like other people tampering with her stuff, and here this guy was, doing exactly that and treating the situation like she was overreacting. He had no right to tamper with her business, and she deserved an apology.
From the guy’s perspective, what he did was no big deal. I mean, who cares? He didn’t steal any of her clothes, and he didn’t throw them disrespectfully onto the ground either. He carefully wiped off the table with a cloth and placed her clothes in a neat pile. It was efficient. He had no idea when she was coming back. How was he supposed to know she had set a timer? For all he knew, she could have been coming back in 2 more hours, let alone 2 minutes. Now, this lady didn’t even appreciate his efforts. It was literally no big deal! Why was she so mad at him for nothing?
Do you see why it was impossible for them to resolve the issue? They were viewing it at different angles, and they were unwilling to see it at any angle other than their own.
I tried to learn as much as I could from this, and here is what I think could have perhaps eased the tension.
The lady could have thanked the guy for cleaning the table, but then politely explained that she didn’t like her clothes to be handled by strangers. And that no offense, but other people might not like that either. I think if she had done that, he might have apologized.
The guy could have recognized that what the lady wanted was an apology and not the reasons for why he did what he did. He could have apologized and promised not do to that for her clothes anymore.
In the end, they both valued being “correct” over understanding each other’s situation.
It was a good reminder to me that in every conversation, there are at least 2 people, and therefore, at least 2 ways to see the issue. I need to work harder at asking good questions so that I can understand the other person’s viewpoint, and then act accordingly.
Also, don’t be too prideful to apologize – even if you don’t think you did anything wrong. The point is, whether I think I did anything wrong or not, the other person might think differently, and in that situation, it’s what they think that matters.
I’m not saying I’m perfect – no way! I’m so far from it. I just had the fortunate advantage of being outside of the argument, and my judgment wasn’t clouded by my opinion. The real challenge is learning to be that way when you’re IN the situation yourself.
Until next time,
Hope Frances
PS – On a humorous note…I realized after I got home that I left two of my socks (from different pairs) in the laundry room so I had to go back and get them later. Whoops…..
