Forgiveness – A Story
In the past year as I’ve thought about different instances where I’ve had to forgive someone, it’s always come down to releasing the debt that the other person owes to me, to God. Admittedly, it’s always been incredibly hard, but it’s always been worth it (with time). The following short, fictional, story, is similar to how I visualize the releasing of justice….. Justice I thought belonged to me, but as it turns out, always belonged to my King.
That doesn’t mean the things that people did or said to me weren’t wrong, or that they didn’t hurt. Often, they hurt and were very wrong. But God’s ways are better than mine, and what right do I have to hold onto a grudge when God has forgiven me of everything?
Again, forgiveness is NOT saying that the wrong done to you is “okay.” Forgiveness is saying “it hurt and it was wrong, but I’m choosing to let God handle it instead of taking things into my own hands.” It sometimes means putting up boundaries with the offending person, and perhaps it means not seeing that person again. The most important thing about forgiveness is releasing your need to take justice into your own hands.
Because the feeling of holding on to a grudge is worse than the feeling of letting it go.
My feet created an echoing sound through the corridor as I padded my way swiftly through the hallway. I was on a mission. An important one.
Pounding, my heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest. Anger coursed through my veins and into my face as I gritted my teeth and muttered under my breath. My hand clenched the single piece of paper I held in my right hand.
As I looked down at the receipt I held, I tightened my grip even harder and allowed myself a satisfied sigh and a small smile.
This receipt was my ticket to redemption. My free pass. My assurance of justice.
As I approached the King’s chamber, my heart quickened. I was about to enter into the King’s presence.
“My child!” He greeted me, smiling, arms outstretched. “Come closer – what is your request?” My heart filled with love at the King’s voice, but my heart still ached for the justice I had come to seek out. The matter must be settled today!
“My King!” I bowed low to the ground. “I have in my hand, a debt that must be paid.” The King’s smile vanished and He looked concerned.
“Let me see.”
I hesitated to let go of my receipt, for without it, justice could not be served and I would lose what was owed to me. I held up the paper and showed it to the King. He didn’t reach for it or try to take it away from me, but simply examined it in silence.
Several seconds passed as the King scanned the piece of paper stating that one of my neighbors owed me a ridiculous amount of money. Not only that, but he owed me for the precious time he had cost me due to his stupidity and laziness. This debt, when fully paid, wouldn’t even cover the emotional scarring my neighbor had inflicted upon me through the humiliation I had endured.
Anger swelled in my heart as I remembered everything. My neighbor deserved so much more than to just pay the debt I was demanding.
The King finished reading my receipt, sadness in His eyes.
“He definitely owes this to you. All of it. And more. I know it hurt…And I can see the pain in your eyes.” He looked at me as if He could feel every single bit of my pain like it was His own, and honestly, I think He could.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. Why did I feel like I was the one on trial?
“Yes. He deserves to pay me every cent of this debt. Today.” I looked into the King’s eyes. “I want to exercise justice today. Do I have your permission?”
The King looked down at His hands for a moment, then back up into my eyes. I saw all the distress and sorrow in His face.
“This has torn you apart. You deserve justice. But so do I.” He said softly, eyes fixed on me. Confusion swept over me as I furrowed my brow.
“Please explain, my King.”
The King rose and walked toward a cabinet on the side of His chamber. He removed a scroll and summoned me with His hand to join him at the cabinet. I slowly walked over and obeyed.
“Look at the name on this scroll.” I read the name on the scroll and felt a surge of excitement. The King surely would grant me justice.
“It is my neighbor’s name.” I answered. The King nodded.
“Do you remember, last year, when I showed you an identical scroll, with your name on it?” He asked gently, looking into my eyes.
I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. Shame filled my face. Yes I remembered. I remembered my King showing me an infinite scroll of all the debts I owed Him. Debts I had absolutely no way of paying back.
“Yes. I remember.” I whispered, head down. The King tipped my chin up and looked into my eyes.
“What did I do to that scroll?” He asked.
“You burned it” I whispered again, tears falling down my cheeks. “You forgave me and said you would destroy the scroll….I didn’t deserve it at all.”
The King smiled.
“No you didn’t… but I loved you so much, I paid your debt for you. I suffered and toiled, for you. Because I love you deeply.” He said, love pouring from His eyes.
My face flushed with shame and sorrow at the memory as I stood there, clenching the debt my neighbor owed me in my hand. It seemed so small compared to the scroll the King now held in His hand.
“The debt you hold in your hand, is also written in this scroll with your neighbor’s name on it. Because you are my child, the debt you hold is actually owed to me… It is not yours.” The King explained, fingering the scroll. “It’s Mine.”
I felt sick. And I suddenly understood. The debt I wanted so badly to be paid to me, I had no right to demand. What right had I to demand justice from my neighbor when I had been forgiven so much myself?
The King stared at me, an understanding smile on his face.
“My child… will you let me have your debt?”
My heart tightened in my chest and my hand gripped the paper I held even harder. How could I do this? The inner turmoil I was feeling threatened to consume me.
“How? How my King?” I sobbed.
“Because I did the same, and much more, for you.”
A wave of love swept over me as I looked at my King.
“I promise, I will take care of you. What was done to you was wrong, and it hurt, but the debt you carry will only weigh you down and cause further pain. Give it to me, my child. Let me deal with your neighbor – his debt will be between me and him. Just as yours was between me and you.” The King spoke softly but forcefully.
“Do you trust me, my child?” He asked, wrapping His arm around me and extending His hand out.
Several seconds passed. The King patiently waited for my decision. He was giving me a choice. I could release my debt to Him, or I could hold onto it for myself…. Ultimately making myself miserable.
And I knew He spoke the truth.
Trembling, heart pounding, I slowly held up my fist, debt in hand, and relaxed my grip on the paper as it fell into my King’s hand. A small pang surged through me briefly, but then I looked up into the King’s eyes.
“Yes, my King.” I said.
He smiled, taking the piece of paper I gave Him and putting it, and the scroll, back into the cabinet.
“I love you, my child. My precious one.”
My heart melted as His words as He wrapped His arms around me in a strong embrace.
It wasn’t as I expected, releasing justice to the King. But as I wandered back through the hallways back home, I felt a peace I had not felt in a long while. I realized I had been the one to keep myself imprisoned in anger.
I knew it wasn’t just this one thing… Every time I released my desire to be in control, or to know the future, or seek revenge – every time I let go, I was freed. My King always sets me free when I relinquish everything to Him.
The peace of letting everything go to Him floods me, filling me with joy.
And I smiled as I marveled again at the greatness of my King, who was able to take the debt I owed to Him and make it disappear without a trace.
Until next time,
Hope Frances
Photo by Richard Dykes on Unsplash
