22 Years Old…Hadn’t Even Kissed
I’m going to be pretty real, vulnerable, and honest in this post.
I waited 22 years to have my first kiss.
Yup…
This is not counting when I was like, 5 or 11 years old and “kissed” a little boy. This was the first time I kissed a man because I loved him…for real.
So the question is, why did I wait so long? Surely I had guys in my life who would have kissed me if I wanted, yes?
Maybe. I’m not sure… I’ve only really had one boyfriend, and I (for the most part) avoided all other guys who wanted to be “more than friends” until my fiancé and I started dating.
And also, why now? Why did I choose now to kiss someone all the sudden? What’s so special about age 22?
If you know me or have been following me on social media recently, you may know that I just got engaged to my best friend and love of my life – Erik Anderson 🙂 So now I have a fiancé!
(Also I will warn you now that this post might be mildly sappy…sorry not sorry. You’ve been warned).
The first time we kissed was a few minutes after Erik put a ring on my left hand…about 1 month ago. We had decided to wait to kiss each other until we were engaged…and if we had never ended up engaged, we wouldn’t have kissed.
This is not to say we condemn all other people who have kissed before engagement…or even before dating. We don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with kissing someone…not at all. This was a personal choice, and the point of this post is to offer a perspective that not many people have, to explain why I did what I did, and whether or not it was worth it.
So, the big question… WHY did I wait so long to kiss someone, and why didn’t I kiss my first boyfriend until we got engaged?
Not normal…right? Nope.
A lot of this comes from my Christian upbringing and my faith, and a promise I made to God, myself, and my father. When I was 13, my dad gave me a promise ring, which basically was a promise both ways:
I promised him I would stay pure for a husband someday (this didn’t necessarily include kissing though) and trust his counsel when he said to wait on God’s timing, and he promised to help me find a man worthy of marrying.
That, in turn, played a big role in my decision not to kiss anyone… because kissing, to me, was an intimate thing I wanted to save for “the one”… I really wanted to be able to look my husband in the eye someday and tell him I’d never kissed anyone else but him.
“Firsts” are of a big significance to me as well, which is another reason I waited to kiss a guy until I knew I was marrying him.
Again, that’s not to say it would have been wrong if I HAD kissed someone else…. Erik isn’t the first guy I held hands with or anything like that, for example.
This was just a personal decision…I didn’t want to kiss anyone who wasn’t going to FOR SURE be married to me forever. It was my way of giving him a special gift…even before I had any idea who he was.
Yes I don’t have any “kissing experience.” So did that make things awkward?
I mean, yes. And no.
Like anything you do for the first time, you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. However, at the same time, you’re figuring it out with the love of your life, and that makes it special in and of itself 🙂
But now the big question… was it worth it? Do I regret waiting for that moment? Don’t I wish I had more experience before kissing my future husband?
Surprisingly, not at all.
I love getting to say that he was my first kiss…and I love that I don’t have anything to compare it to.
When I was single, I had so many people I looked up to (mainly in the Christian singer/songwriter space) who waited to have their first kiss until they were engaged, and I really admired that. It inspired me to wait for engagement to kiss anyone as well, and it made being single a little easier because I had role models going through it with me.
But I can also say that being single sucks. It’s super hard. I grew to appreciate it because I grew so much in my faith and as a person during that time, but I also say that knowing that I used to be the girl who thought “yeah….there are problems either way, but I’d love to have boyfriend/girlfriend problems instead of “single person” problems.” I was told (and discovered it was true) that your problems don’t go away after you get a significant other, but that didn’t diminish my desire to belong to someone anyway.
And yes…I know I’m no longer qualified to complain about singleness, because I’m not single anymore. It used to drive me absolutely insane when engaged/married women would tell me to be patient and blah blah blah…
So I won’t tell you that… But if you want to listen in on a conversation between me now and me a few years ago, here you go. This is what I would say to myself now:
The wait is worth it. Don’t settle for less than the best, and I promise you every single year you have a birthday and aren’t a wife – it isn’t a waste. Every bit of time you spend making yourself a better person mentally, emotionally, professionally, and physically, is 100% worth it. Be patient, and trust that even if you never find someone to spend your life with, that your life is priceless and you have an important mission to accomplish in this life…I promise you will NOT regret a single moment, good or bad, of your single years. They are all building towards who you will become and continue to grow into.
It gave me incredible hope and patience to be able to listen to artists like Jamie Grace and Moriah Peters, who refused to date anyone unless they were “husband material.” I was inspired by their example as I watched them save their first kisses for their now husbands, and it made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
So that’s something else I would let myself know:
You’re not alone.
There are countless people like you who desire a Godly relationship with an amazing individual to call their own forever.
I was one of those people… And I was lucky and blessed to find an absolutely amazing guy to call mine. A guy who loves God with all his heart, is dedicated to leading me and our future family well, and who goes so far out of his way to make me feel incredibly loved…Erik is quite literally my dream man. Everything I ever dreamed of and more.
In the words of Moriah Peters in her song, “Haven’t Even Kissed”:
“I asked for a miracle;
I got so much more;
I didn’t think we could get here;
Now I’m believing;
Before we met, the world said I was dreaming;
This feeling is something from heaven;
Beautifully more than I could have imagined;
I didn’t think we could get here;
But now I’m with you;
Even more than my wildest dreams have come true….
Oh I have always prayed for something like this;
And we haven’t even kissed.” [emphasis mine]
So no matter what your goals are…I hope this post has inspired you or given you encouragement. Every commitment you make is worth it, and every time you’re patient and don’t compromise your morals – it’s 100% worth it.
You are amazing. And you are worth the waiting <3
Until next time,
The Future Mrs. Anderson
