Listen to His Voice

I sat alone in my room, crying.  Fear of the unknown gripped me as I shuddered again and again.

“What should I do?!”  my mind screamed at my heart.  I didn’t want to give way to fear, but it had grabbed me and I felt like its arguments were pretty solid and worth listening to.

“What if you die?  Sure, there’s a pretty slim chance, but what if?  What if you get hurt or sick?  Those possibilities are even greater,” Fear whispered.

I knew this, and I had looked it up online too.  Haiti was one of the most dangerous places to travel to (according to about two websites I had looked at).  I just wasn’t sure this free trip was right for me at this moment and time in my life.

My team had won this trip through All Grace Outreach’s push-up contest benefitting Operation Underground Railroad, but the details had been slow in coming – until that day.  I had known I would be the one from my team voted to go on the trip, but it didn’t seem real – until that day.  That day had been the day that AGO contacted my mom and told her they were going to Haiti from June 26th-30th and I could go, but I needed to decide that day.  That day was May 30th or the 31st (one of the two).

I had thought I wanted to go, but then I started filling out the forms they needed.  Those forms told me of all the things that could possibly go wrong, and all of the sicknesses I could get, and that I could die.

That’s why I was in my room by myself for about 2 hours – crying.

I felt so torn.  I wanted to go on a missions’ trip eventually in my life, but I was so scared of what COULD happen.  I ended up texting two very good friends and asked them what to do.  They told me not to be afraid, and that this was an amazing opportunity that seemed too coincidental (it was paid for, the timing worked in my schedule, I was old enough to go on my own, I had a passport, etc…).

And I was asking God for a sign.  Ha.

Long story short, I ended up taking a leap of faith with the help and prayers of my amazing parents, teammates, and friends.  Before long, my mind got used to the idea, but I was still a little wary.  People kept asking me if I was excited to go, and I wanted to say “YES!” with a lot of enthusiasm, but I WASN’T excited.  I was going out of the country for the first time to a place that seemed a little scary with people I didn’t even know.

Yeah…I wasn’t excited.

But I didn’t want to tell people I wasn’t excited…I mean, how “un-Christian” is that?  So I just said “Yeah!  But I’m nervous too.”

Finally, the day came and I went.  I can’t even express in words what this trip did to me.  The people of Haiti are forever in my heart (especially the children we got to play with for 3 days, our translators, and our personal bodyguard)!  The missions team that I didn’t know before is now like a family to me, and my perspective has been forever changed.

So, for those of you considering a missions’ trip, DO IT.  If you have the opportunity, DO IT NOW.  It’s not as scary as you would think, and being able to experience another culture while serving others is AMAZING!

Honestly, I feel like I got way more out of that trip than the children we were there to serve.  They touched my heart and inspired me to do more no matter where I am.  I love them so much, and I can’t wait to go back!

 

Going back a few months before the trip, I was listening to an audio by Laurie Woodward, and she said something along the lines of, “I always pray that God will strengthen my faith, and then I pray that when the trials come from God to increase my faith, that I wouldn’t push them away.”

After hearing Laurie say that I starting praying the same thing.  After a few months of this, it became routine, until that day when I found out about the missions’ trip.  A few weeks after the trip, I realized that springing that trip on my so suddenly and sending me out of the country with strangers to serve others HAD increased my faith significantly.

And I had almost been too afraid to go.

In other words, the missions’ trip had been the “trial” God was sending me to increase my faith like I had asked Him to, and I almost turned Him down.  Luckily, He answered the second half of my prayer without me realizing it (until now), and I didn’t push the trial away.

I have prayed that prayer even more in the last few days as I have been finalizing my career placement with Praxis.  There was a big chance that I would have to move out of state for at LEAST 6 months for placement, but that thought scared me.  As I was praying that same prayer, I got an email and an offer to work for a company located out of state, and I realized this was the next “trial” to strengthen my faith.  There were just too many “coincidences,” so now, I’m going, and I’m keeping my eyes open to what He will do.

So the next time a big trial comes your way, don’t give it up.  Seize the opportunity and pray that God will increase your trust in Him as you go forward.

 

Blessings,

Hope Szymanski