How to Win Friends and Influence People – Book Review

This past month, I read two books, and one of them was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie!

Honestly, this is such an amazing book that I would be lying to myself if I thought I could portray everything it has to offer in this blog post 😀

What I mean by that last sentence is, READ THE BOOK!  🙂

As mentioned above, there are a TON of lessons in this little book, but I am going to lump them into two categories.

1. Make the other person feel important
2. Let the other person talk as much as possible

In addition to providing great content, Carnegie makes his points easier to understand by illustrating them with stories.  Stories help the reader to third-party him or herself and make the principle easier to understand.  (Actually, this seems to be a trend to all successful best-sellers – facts tell, stories SELL).

DISCLAIMER – NONE of these principles will work if you are using them to get the better of others!  You must be genuine and actually care about people.  I know – harsh.  But true.

Let’s dive into number 1 – Make the other person feel important.

First, pick your battles.  If the argument isn’t life or death, DROP IT (my apologies to my fellow Choleric friends – this will be hard for you).  Let the other person save face.  I know it doesn’t feel right to let their opinion go uncorrected, but try.  You can do it.  This is an area that I struggle with a lot, so I’m not perfect, but the times I HAVE dropped an argument and pretended not to care, things have turned out ok.  Yup – and the world didn’t even blow up!  😉

Second, talk to the other person about what interests him or her.  If he is interested in a certain topic, chances are he considers himself an expert and will greatly enjoy talking to you about it.  He will be pleased that he is able to educate you and he will feel authoritative and important.

Third, compliment people for what they do WELL.  Stop criticizing people for what they do wrong.  I guarantee more will get done if you uplift someone’s good points.  Why?  Because people like to be recognized for what they’re doing well, and they will do more of it to continue receiving your praise.  Plus, it makes people feel good, so why wouldn’t you do it?

Number 2 – Let the other person talk as much as possible!

First, ask questions.  Pretend you are trying to fill out a report on the other person and you need as many details as possible.  How would you do it?  You would ask questions!

“What are your hobbies?”

“Oh wow!  Why do you like it?”

“How did you get into _____?”

“What is your opinion on such and such?” – People love to be asked their opinion…even if they don’t really have an opinion on said topic!

See what I mean?  Whenever they stop talking, just ask another question!  This leads into my second point…

Second, shut up and LISTEN.  Say as little as possible!  This is another area that I’m really trying to work on every day.

It goes like this: ask a question, then listen.  Be GENUINELY interested in what the speaker is saying too – don’t just zone out and call that “listening.”  That’s not listening.  That saying “I really don’t care what you have to say at all and you’re boring.  I wish I could leave you and go somewhere else” loud and clear.  How would you feel if someone did that to you?

Give the other person your FULL attention.  If your attention is being diverted in the environment you’re currently in, ask the speaker if you both can go somewhere else and continue the conversation where it’s less distracting.

Summary

Basically, get the other person to talk as much as possible while making them feel special, and care about people.  Easier said than done, right?  But we can do it!

It all starts with having the right heart – a heart that cares about people.

A heart that wants others to feel God’s love firsthand.

The kind of heart I pray I would have every day.

 

Until next time,

Hope Frances